Deciding Not To Die

Doesn’t happen in big, earth shattering moments.

It doesn’t happen when you do the big thing or spend lots of money or go somewhere fancy.

It happens at 1:10 AM on a Tuesday morning,

when you’re laying in bed by yourself watching Gilmore Girls, talking

to a Friend (Amazing Human/Witch/Angel/Gifted Presence) who probably

shouldn’t talk to you anymore because you’ve Ghost Vanished so many times

but they still do because they’re, an angel. Anyway- deciding not to die

happens in small moments. In text conversations with good friends and good people-

When they throw you a lifeline, an opportunity to see something more, to

re-look at yourself or a situation; when they allow you to talk about things that

have been sitting on your chest like elephants; when they free you; when they

create space for you; when they offer some perspective you couldn’t

give yourself- when they love you so well they make you love yourself.

Deciding not to die happens at 1:10 AM when Rowan tells you that

you are the key.

They say they put an emoji next to the names of people they really love in their phone

And you’re the key.

Some call it hope. 

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