Doesn’t happen in big, earth shattering moments.
It doesn’t happen when you do the big thing or spend lots of money or go somewhere fancy.
It happens at 1:10 AM on a Tuesday morning,
when you’re laying in bed by yourself watching Gilmore Girls, talking
to a Friend (Amazing Human/Witch/Angel/Gifted Presence) who probably
shouldn’t talk to you anymore because you’ve Ghost Vanished so many times
but they still do because they’re, an angel. Anyway- deciding not to die
happens in small moments. In text conversations with good friends and good people-
When they throw you a lifeline, an opportunity to see something more, to
re-look at yourself or a situation; when they allow you to talk about things that
have been sitting on your chest like elephants; when they free you; when they
create space for you; when they offer some perspective you couldn’t
give yourself- when they love you so well they make you love yourself.
Deciding not to die happens at 1:10 AM when Rowan tells you that
you are the key.
They say they put an emoji next to the names of people they really love in their phone
And you’re the key.
Some call it hope.